January 4, 2020
So often in life, we position ourselves along the outside perimeter of life. We hide behind props that make us "comfortable" around others or we don't engage, worried about being judged. We become wallflowers of life, only there to watch the world happen in front of our eyes, never participating or WONDERING, what if we did participate? We all want to participate, but sometimes we are afraid of what people will think of us, afraid of making a fool of ourselves. When did that change in our lives? As kids, we would look at the world and WONDER, what if? Things didn't get in our way of trying something new. We didn't worry about what others thought about us. When did we stop WONDERING?
Somewhere in our life, we stopped seeing the world and all it has to offer us. We began seeing it as I can't do this or I don't have time for that. Life just happens and our perspective changes. I am not saying that I don't WONDER what if, as an adult or hide behind a prop from time to time. I would be lying if I told you I didn't WONDER what others thought of me. In fact, that is human nature, WONDERING, what do they think? Do they like me? Will I be accepted? Can I do this? WONDERING, what if?
The past few years I have faced my own challenges that constantly made me WONDER, what if? This past year in particular, there was a lot of WONDERING. The first half of the year everything seemed to be full steam ahead, moving down the track as I had planned. I had been divorced for some time and was picking up the pieces of my life. Single mom with two children. House to pay for. Bills and taxes pay. I was becoming more and more in control of my life, independent and putting it all together. I knew I could handle it. I had run a company from home for 25 years and now I had ventured back into the rat race. My job gave me the confidence that I needed in myself to grow and take another step in the job market to improve myself. I wasn't WONDERING what if anymore. I was confident that I would be reaching my goals for 2019. I had a new purpose and confidence in myself that I was going to be ok. Then, just like so many Americas, I was let go from my job. Blindsided. I didn't see it coming. If you have never been let go from a job, I congratulate you. I can tell you from my own experience, it is one of the most depressing times you can go through. Add on top of that, working on building a new life alone, it derailed me. Left me WONDERING, what if I can't recover?
You can recover. I am. I spent four months fighting the urge to not be a wallflower, I fought blending in to life so no one would see me. I fought the demons of depression that wanted me stay in bed all day, feeling lost and alone. This year, I have a new job. New goals. New WONDERS. I will live my life slaying the demons of depression that haunted me for four months (and I am thankful it was only four months). I will WONDER, what adventure will the day will bring me? It is an exciting world out there. I know I am not alone. You aren't alone either. Let's not hide behind a prop or become a wall flower to life. Don't stand on the outside perimeter. This year, jump in and WONDER, what if I don't? This year, take chances. Try something new. You will be WONDERING why you have waited so long.
Happy New Year!!!! May 2020 be full of health, love and most of all, leave you full of WONDER.
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